Plastic

Today, later, this afternoon I have an consultation with a plastic surgeon. Things are moving too fast. I want to get through the summer before I get sliced up and and laid out. Fall sleeves, sweaters and hoodies seem more appropriate for this sort of thing.

I invited my mother. This whole thing seems to be bothering her more than me. Plus I'm a terrible listener.

Starting to think about the positives of having smaller fake breasts....
here's what i got so far...
jump ropes
trampolining
pogo sticks
jogging
cuter cheaper bras
tube tops
spaghetti straps

I'm also designing a tattoo to cover the scars.
Its still fuzzy in head. But something about a peacock feather, cascading flowers, a metal plated bra thing (xena-esk maybe) with rivets. I want to be urban, modern, graphic, but feminine, I want to look like a warrior. I need help designing. big time. but its one of the only things thats really making it ok in my head.

When it comes down to it, i realized that to the outside world things are going to seem fucked up. But for me its always been the time infront of the mirror alone where I gather most of my self worth. Loosing that confidence and being faced with a horror show is not something I can mentally deal with. It must be transformed into artwork. And I must use this opportunity to transform the rest of my body to match. I'm hitting the gym every day at lunch. Starting a little slower than i'd like but things are tender and moving my arm and bouncing are sort of painful. I'd like to loose 20 lbs before the surgery. I'm drinking these juices called Naked. They are delicious! And there seems to be an endless variety. Also considering those meal replacement shake things. . .