I head to the appointment with out a care in the world. Looking forward to him working my back as well, because sleeping has been a beast to say the least. And then jetting back to the office to tackle a long day of work. I walked in and was greeted by Andrea as usual, and Suzie. They asked how things were doing. "umm well," I say. "this one is saggy," I point to my left side, "and this one is a little squishy."
This causes a chain reaction. Colleen rounds the corner. She wants to take a look before I meet with Romane. We quickly head back to the examining room. I flash her and Suzie. I'm not sure if she really said "oh shit." I can't remember if I inserted that from her reaction, or if she really cursed. But either way. "oh shit." Bad sign right. The drains all came out last friday. I had a wonderful drain free weekend. Although I didn't get to cash in on my drains out deadline promise with myself and bw, but still it was nice. Colleen says I need to get a drain put back in. And Suzie rushes off to arrange this surprise surgery at Missouri Baptist.
I meet with Ramone anyway for a 30 minute swedish (maybe?) massage. That was wonderful. Relaxed and de-stressed. Its 11:45. Suzie comes back in and says Missouri Baptist can get me in at 12:30. And that I shouldn't eat or drink anything because she doesn't know if they have to put me under or not.
So I head over to mobap.
I've never visited this particular hospital before. It seems strange that its so close to St. John's. I arrive at the patient registration center before they had received the fax from Suzie about the procedure. So it took some calling around for them to figure out what the hell to do with me. After some insurance paper work and waiting, they called me AND this other very old couple up to follow the nurse to the operating waiting area. This was awkward because, I'm a very fast walker, always seem to be headed somewhere in a hurry. And the old couple, well, was much slower. Combined with the fact that to the outside world there really seems to be absolutely nothing wrong with me. So the nurse is in between me and the couple. I have not a clue where I'm headed. And she actually at one moment asked my name again to ensure that I was in fact really supposed to be following her.
We finally round a turn, go through a door way and I'm almost literally dumped into a small curtained room with a bed, some medical machine, a trash can, one of those hospital tables on wheels, and other various stuff attached to the walls. I'm like, "Great, I can lay down," still very relaxed from my massage. I took this photo right before I fell asleep. Its about 12:15.
So I wake up a bit later, check my iphone. Its nearly freakin' 3pm. No one has as much as glanced in my direction. I stumble over to the bathroom, barefoot. Which now, thinking back, super gross! After doing my business, I come out and ask the nurses what the dealio is. They explain that the guy before me has some complications. And that I'd have about 45 minutes longer to wait. So much for going back to work today. I head back to my little room. Ease drop on a few conversations. The guy across the hall is in for a liver biopsy. But his symptom is diarrhea. He doesn't understand what the two have to do with eachother. I feel you man. Nothing worse than being strung through a series of medical tests. Doctors, just in there, rooting around for some clues.
Finally the nurse comes in and gives me some blankets and one of those hospital gowns I love so much. A bit later the doctor came in to tell me something. Then finally, they wheel me into the room.
Its looks very much like a operating room but its actually an xray table. The large box on an arm was the xray, the flat screens display the chest xray. There is also an ultra sound machine, with more screens not in the photo. The nurses take painstaking effects to cover everything in plastic. Which is funny, because as I lay there watching them, I look up and notice blood splattered all over the arm machine. I don't think that's legal... or sterol.
The expanders have two cylinders where the injections happen. One is metal the other is very thick plastic. So when you see the xray of my chest, you see my rib cage, my heart beating, my broken collar bone from age 11, and then these two sets of circles within circles that look just like nipples. Pretty funny. I told this to the nurses as they covered me with blue paper. Then they took scissors can cut a hole out over my left breast.
After several local anesthetic shots, I really couldn't feel anything too painful. But still the sensation of a tube being inserted into your body was quite intense. At one point during the surgery, a nurse popped in and said her goodbyes, chatted for a minute about her vacation to all the other nurses. "Really?" I thought, "I'm like awake, and right here. Get the hell outta here nurse, have a nice damn weekend."
At another point, "Can't get enough of you baby." by Barry White starts playing on the radio. I can't control myself and start laughing and crying at the same time. Startled by my actions, the nurses and doctor ask what is wrong. So i'm forced to explain that this song always makes me think of BW and then cry a little. No clue why. Hormones I blame.
I finally get tied back up, cleaned off and rolled back into the waiting bed area. I tell the nurse I haven't eaten in about 8 hours, and she brings me two tiny tubs of peanut butter, some saltines, and a half sized sprite. I devour every last crumb. Then spill my sprite all over the place. Ahh! I try to clean it up with my hospital gown, its hard to bend over, makes me dizzy. I give up and give the nurses a heads up about the spill and then ask how to get back to the parking lot.
I leave the building and glance up at the sky. Dark clouds, "shit, its going to rain."
I have no clue where my car is. So I wonder around the parking garage hitting my alarm button. Hoping to catch the "beep beep" of my horn. Finally there she is. And as soon as I pull out of the parking lot, yep, down pour. Its 4 o'clock. I have to go back to the office. I have to take 270. In the rain. During rush hour. It takes me about an hour.
So there it is 5pm, back to work soaking wet with a new shiny drain stuffed in my panties.
