today

i'm really just wanting my old boobs back. did we keep them? I'm sure there is a receipt somewhere. I can return these?

As I plan this exhibition, Save the Girls, I hear more stories, discover other "survivors", hear the stories from friends of survivors, and learn more about what it means to be a "cancer survivor". I am not comfortable with that term. And am considering taking it off the press release. I am not a cancer survivor. Some doctors said they found cells that would some day be cancer. So we got rid of them. I never saw cancer. I never felt cancer. What a stupid disease. The suffering seems to come from the cure. But I am a poser. I didn't even get to the cancer part. People say things to me like "3 time cancer survivor" and I'm in disbelief. What? it comes back? How? Why? I thought we got it all. And I wonder if my "getting it all" is the same as those other women who thought they "got it all" not once, not twice, but sometimes three times. Each time, I imagine in most cases there was a radiation/chemo treatment. Something I can't even bring myself to read about, much less comprehend. I've started browsing posts from those who've lived through the process. My mouse automatically click's back as soon as i read the first lines... "the red liquid flows through the iv and into my veins."

By what graces of what god that avoided these situations for me I'm not familiar with.

Who do i thank. What shall i do with this new found longevity?

For the sake of resolving all potential problems I had an iud implanted. I do not recommend this. It hurt. And I've experienced some pain in the past 4 months, this 3 minutes in the gyno was the worst of it all. However, because of the pathology reports I am no longer allowed to take oral or any hormonal birth control. So the "inhumane" paraguard was my only choice. Two days later the pain subsided, but I dread my next "cycle", things are supposed to be more intense with the implant. The price women pay for sex is outrageous.

While i was there I had my doctor do a complete blood test. After a call today from the nurse, I can now proclaim, I have a clean std bill of health. The word is still out on on cervical cancer but I've never had problems with that before. What do they say? "No news is good news."