Finally another visit to the plastic surgeons office, might actually get this thing rolling and finish up this "process" in the next two months. Some amendments to the second surgery are needed. And all seem feasible. A little extra skin can be removed here, a scar can be flatted out there. And with skin from my ever expanding mid section new areola can be constructed. See diagram. My doctor refers to this procedure as the icing on the cake.
I originally imagined this procedure to be similar to the score and slick process of pottery. Turns out its a bit different. but similar. Raw skin is applied to raw skin. Now I think of skin like those flaky breakfast biscuits. The ones you can peel off one layer at a time. So the process as I gathered in the conversation with the doctor goes something like this: two circles are cut out of your hips; the lower portion of the body has darker skin that the top, thus allowing for the difference in skin tone. Then, a circular layer of skin is removed from the mound of flesh covering the implant. This skin is used to form the actual raised nipple. Then the circle from the hip is placed over the top of the bump. Gauze for 5 days, unveil, and some ointment application, two weeks later, bam, fake nipples.
Then there is the question of nipple preference. If you had the choice would you want nipples that never got hard? or nipples that were always hard. I honestly have no clue. I'm sure whichever option i go with, I will be dissatisfied and regretful.
I'm hoping that this final surgery will be the tipping point to end this post operative depression. Its really getting out of hand. The anxiety of simple day to day activities is rendering me more or less non-functional. So for the moment, I have one goal that I believe might bestow some sort of happiness back in myself. Loosing the weight gained during this past six months. Its difficult to tell what is really the source of my problems. One, the lack of breasts with nipples, or two the emerging belly that is now protruding well beyond the mark of past breasts. Completely robbing me of any sense of womanhood.
So in response to this annoying consequence I am signed up for caloriecount.com. Eating less than 1500 calories per day. Although I don't expect to reach my goal until mid summer. And in order to really succeed, you have to be strict, every day all the time. No beers every evening, no bagels for breakfast. Spinach salads and carrots and Yoplait. Every day every minute you have to restrain and think hard to make the right choices. To accelerate my success, am seeking a new gym membership. I got on the internet and started downloading all the free passes I could find. Determined to research and make an educated decision. For various reasons gyms have not worked for me in the past. My choice is now between two gyms. One Club Fitness, close enough to my house or to where ever i might move. 19.95 a month. Various classes I will probably have too much social anxiety to attend. Negatives: I've been a member of club fitness before, I tend never to go back to boyfriends or gyms, this ones also in the same location as New Lady Fitness, a gym I also was once a member. And Fitness Club St. Louis or something like that, a few more blocks from my current location, but free tanning (that I probably shouldn't use), 24 hour access, cycling and yoga classes I probably will never attend. Added bonus to this location: firemen, lots of them. Negatives: really bad murals everywhere, little parking, sort of jank, but in a kind of cool underground way. Tried the new YMCA in Carondelet, saw a naked pregnant lady and two naked old people, plus you have to sign up for the machines, which is a huge source of annoyance for me, plus its 46 dollars, and I really realistically won't use the pool. I have another week to make a decision.
Gym/fitness "dating" history:
1. college rec center; great gym! went all the time,
2. bally total fitnes; worked the front desk, free membership, rarely used.
3. YMCA west county; tried swimming, I suck it, and don't like to get all wet everyday in the winter.
4. New Lady fitness, did a lot of aerobic classes, no dudes tons of fat chicks, weird dynamic, went out of business.
5. Shark fitness bootcamp: great, really hard, went with friends from work, was a size 4 at the end, not a realistic commitment at the moment.
6. Club Fitness, during my time here, i was also doing a lot of biking, lost tons of weight, different time in my life.
7. The boxing gym, seems like I gained more weight while taking boxing classes, good work out but not enough cardio machines.
8. St. Louis Workout, was close to work, then i got suspended, ran out of money and canceled, having the gym close to work is nice for working out at lunch, but when you work out at lunch you can only do 30 minutes, and really, I need to be there about 1.5 hours to see results.
Jesus, I'm like a gym membershipaholic.
here i come number 9.
